nil.enroll(aetheric_username, quantum_class_id) (adric) wrote,
nil.enroll(aetheric_username, quantum_class_id)


I can't sleep. Brain won't shut off, and the thoughts are .. unpleasant.

In trying to figure out how I said something as insulting and inflammatory as I did (And in hindsight, it was pretty bad), I see the source, and it seems to be all of this pent-up anger and frustration. Not just my normal load, but a whole extra cartload that I picked up just from being there tonight (last night) or at all.

I am not doing well now, which is why I started composing this, internally, in bed. The drive home was a hint as to how down I was. I composed the first post during that drive, and rushed inside to bang it out and post it. a few minutes later I made the second post, and then I read webcomics for awhile. Then, I looked around the room, and the computer at some of the crafty things I have been collecting (little projects and such). Looking closely at a few, and realizing I was too tired for Legos ™, gave up. Later still I porned for a bit, still in search of a distraction. And an hour ago, I felt tired enough to climb in bed and try to sleep.

I couldn't. Can't. Lots of thoughts. Tracing down the motive force behind my insult, realizing the magnitude of the affront, trying to puzzle out a way to bring the matter to a close (I'm thinking of offering him a free shot at me.) Considering never going back there. Thinking that would be cowardly Counter-argument that I stood my ground then, and that staying clear is pragmatic not craven, Thinking of selling pizza bag to another driver, or to the manager for $1.. trying to remember whether my knives were in the cabinet next to bed, thinking what sort of bonds I have available, realizing that cuffs would not keep me from the knives, and that I have no cuffs... dawn breaking, considering driving to someone's house, waking her up, and asking to be held...and composing the first two paragraphs of this.

It's cold in here. I'm tired but quite awake. Yawning, eyes bleary, fuzzy headed, but not sleepy. And even if I was, I'll not be trying to sleep again for awhile, after how the last hour or so went.

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