nil.enroll(aetheric_username, quantum_class_id) (adric) wrote,
nil.enroll(aetheric_username, quantum_class_id)

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I am, it seems, quite more troubled than it would seem required, about recents events. It is not so much that the events are troubling, and they have been in fact quite the opposite, pleasing. It is the implications of these things which trouble me. I suppose those involved will know what it is I am referring to, or not, and some will mistake my antecedents, and it will perhaps be thought that I am being deliberately enigmatic in a literary device. (That may not be entirely incorrect.)

I can see the course of things, the courses of things. My mental faculties seem determined to probe the probability trees, as if to determine which way things will go (This idea is to my world-view heretical in two ways: There is not a future, or even so much futures, as infinetly branching decisions, and The curse of prescience: that once having seen a future one may not evade it) . This is unlikely in the extreme to produce revelation, much less useful data, but goes on nonetheless, and echoes and glimpses of all of it, theses, um, futures (?) slip into my concious thoughts (particularly in proximity to the ,uh, item of concern)..

I can recall vividly how such things have gone before, and still bear the scars (however proudly or nihilisticly) of those outcomes, interactions. I can almost as clearly see how things may go in this -- but I am unablle to see the good past the bad. All I am shown is all of the ways things can go quite wrong, as they have variously before. And although I am aware of this myopia, brought on by pessimissim, depression, or what have you, I cannot see past it, and I am struck by fear, and tempted towards cowardice, away from the risks that might bring great rewards and the essence of life itself.

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