Behold the note I left, and the door tag they stuck 6 inches from it. Note carefully the polite request to leave the package referenced and the signature. Glance at the checkbox for reason the package was not left: signature required.
Marvel that having confused their chatbot and reached a human named Marquesha I was told that "home delivery service" drivers do not make it back to station before it closes, and so they will reattempt delivery or I could come pick the parcel up tomorrow.
I am so annoyed I almost want to refuse it and make the vendor ship it back UPS or postal. Gah. At least they will either leave it on the stoop or let you come get it. The fact that the delivery location, my location, and FedEx are all well within 5 miles of each other is not making me less annoyed in any way.