August 9th, 2007


Personal ramblings

Had some stuff i my head during lunch, perhaps beause I did not read. I finished Moll Flanders at lunch yesterday, and haven't started anything new, opting to play a few rounds of Atari Go (capture game) with the Palmpilot... anyway trying to find that stuff again...

I keep being attracted to (and even, quite surprisingly, of late being involved with) women who seem like good candidates for dependant status rather than as any kind of equal .. more importantly they are people I can help but perhaps not people who can help me.

Not that I've quite found anyone who has. Some who can, seems, but .. hmm.

And thus while I'm (perhaps) looking for a traveling companion, a fellow student, another Seeker usw. .. I keep finding potential projects, younger siblings and, er .. *sigh* .. The D/s ideas get all twisted up in it and confuse things even further. Incidents of me topping a couple of recent dalliances simply serves as an illustration of the difficulty in question ... which is not to diminish in any way the pleasure and amusement I've gotten and shared.

Similarly I have a strict no (more1) pets rule. I'm not strong enough to prop up anyone else even half of the time. too many of my spoons go to dragging my own carcass around and getting out of bed regularly. As well, I'm quite familiar with many of the idioms and cliches in that plot space including the wounded bird and the white knight, and so on. And for various reasons including spicing up the writing a bit, I don't want to play into any of those any more that is useful.

And, of course, for me, it all comes back to utility, as I have little else else with which to make judgements. Perceived utility, illusory progress, and trying to 'first do no harm' are rather messy metrics to decide things like what to eat for dinner.

1Good kitty, sweet kitty, noisy kitty. Yes, I know. Yes, I should take out the kitty and put down a fresh one tonight...