April 27th, 2003


Catching up?

Someone offered to let me sleep at the foot of her bed, (between the cats) in her new apartment, if I shave and get a job at the mall. I don't know how serious she is, but it's tempting. I had been joking about how she will have lots of money to spend on her pets, and in reponse she tusseled my hair and made that offer. (She was also miffed that I saw Secretary with someone else, but I stand by my decision that she was not the right person to watch it with, due to ensuing/existing awkwardness.)(
Another way of putting it is that I don't know what's going on between us at least part of the time...

About shaving, and hair, and nail, all of which people ask me about, including random strangers (mostly the nails). I'm lazy, see? At this length, my hair, and nails don't grow anymore. Trim them (a labourious task), and in a few weeks they have grown back out to about this length. The crap growing on my face is simillar, except it never grows in as well as my hair or nails, and is much harder to get rid of, and stays gone a short time indeed (at most a few days). Why should I attempt this sisyphian task, which I am no good at anyway, and which I cannot complete? To make other people happy? Bah, I do too much of that already.

Insert metabolic disorder symptomology here. I woke up, watched a movie, and laid back down this (Sat) morning .. and woke up again around 17:30. I went to work, ostensibily to deliver food, and ended up bussing tables for a few hours (which I haven't done before, and don't plan on taking up as a career). I am quite sure I would much rather bleed to death than work at that restaurant, although doing so would earn money much faster than I am now, getting me closer to goals.. (bleeding out not being high on that list)

More than one person seems with speech and gesture to be encouraging me to open up to them emotionally. Their motives for this are varied and unknown to me, which incites suspicion. More importantly I am very afraid that if I were to even attempt such a thing, that it would go badly for both of us... In particular I fear that little would remain of me, if anything. But the idea of collapsing in someone's embrace and crying until I can't anymore has it's attractions. Unfortunately, I lack a valid target.

adric.net is offline, and Email is not working right now, so call or something rather than..
  • Current Music
    Liz Phair - Perfect World

Addenda, Bad News

Read 1 1/2 Anita Blakes Friday morning. Killing Dance and uh, ...

Reaction to Secretary and recent textporn jolted me into realizing that in those
situations (those which are powerful, compelling, and erotic but involve no sex)
I don't care about the gender of the, uh, top. This probably slides me another whisker way from homophobia towards bi. Hmm.

and the Bad News:

The US gov't (DoD) is officially cutting funds to opensource and free security projects because they believe they may enable terrorism. (OpenBSD is the first to get cut.)

Incidences of dissapearing of citizens and aliens continue to be reported, particularly in relation to the mandatory check-ins at INS of all from certain countries.

Patriot II will soon be coming to the floor of the US Congress.

Several states are considering bills which criminalize the use of common computer security technologies (VPNs, NAT, etc) At least two states have passed such laws.

Verizon is on it's last appeal as it fights the RIAA to protect the privacy of it's subscribers. Thus far the record companies have won each case

And EBay-annexed PayPal may have finally jumped the shark:
(They will no longer be along accounts or sales for "adult material".
It closely resembles the state of GA bible-belt laws) How this plays into their role as a clearinghouse and payment service is beyond me. It seems to endanger their common carrier status and their bottom line to censor accounts and transactions. WTF? So, who am I switching to for online money moving?

Sorry not to cite individual sources. http://eff.org, http://www.theregister.co.uk, http://slashdot.org, http://oreillynet.com, and for the really scary stuff http://cryptome.org, http://deadly.org has the stuff on the OpenBSD grant pull..

Oh, and a great many people are dying in China and other parts of the world from a corona virus induced condition labeled SARS. Global epidimological resources ahve been tasked, but Bejing is still lying to them, and has been for months, so their efforts to stop the epidemic are hamstrung.

Pyongyang not only acknowledged that it has nuclear weapons but threatened to use them.

News sources : http://www1.cs.columbia.edu/nlp/newsblaster/, http://www.deutschewelle.de/english, http://www.news.com.au/, etc
  • Current Music
    Sarah McLachlan - Adia