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Catching up? - nil.enroll(aetheric_username, quantum_class_id)
yljatlhQo'! QIch lo'laltbebej!
adric
adric
Catching up?
Someone offered to let me sleep at the foot of her bed, (between the cats) in her new apartment, if I shave and get a job at the mall. I don't know how serious she is, but it's tempting. I had been joking about how she will have lots of money to spend on her pets, and in reponse she tusseled my hair and made that offer. (She was also miffed that I saw Secretary with someone else, but I stand by my decision that she was not the right person to watch it with, due to ensuing/existing awkwardness.)(
Another way of putting it is that I don't know what's going on between us at least part of the time...

About shaving, and hair, and nail, all of which people ask me about, including random strangers (mostly the nails). I'm lazy, see? At this length, my hair, and nails don't grow anymore. Trim them (a labourious task), and in a few weeks they have grown back out to about this length. The crap growing on my face is simillar, except it never grows in as well as my hair or nails, and is much harder to get rid of, and stays gone a short time indeed (at most a few days). Why should I attempt this sisyphian task, which I am no good at anyway, and which I cannot complete? To make other people happy? Bah, I do too much of that already.

Insert metabolic disorder symptomology here. I woke up, watched a movie, and laid back down this (Sat) morning .. and woke up again around 17:30. I went to work, ostensibily to deliver food, and ended up bussing tables for a few hours (which I haven't done before, and don't plan on taking up as a career). I am quite sure I would much rather bleed to death than work at that restaurant, although doing so would earn money much faster than I am now, getting me closer to goals.. (bleeding out not being high on that list)

More than one person seems with speech and gesture to be encouraging me to open up to them emotionally. Their motives for this are varied and unknown to me, which incites suspicion. More importantly I am very afraid that if I were to even attempt such a thing, that it would go badly for both of us... In particular I fear that little would remain of me, if anything. But the idea of collapsing in someone's embrace and crying until I can't anymore has it's attractions. Unfortunately, I lack a valid target.

adric.net is offline, and Email is not working right now, so call or something rather than..

Current Music: Liz Phair - Perfect World

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Comments
pinkeffigy From: pinkeffigy Date: April 27th, 2003 10:46 am (UTC) (Link)
well,my question would be is there anyone you don't have those feelings about that would be safe for you to open up to?
You know, you don't lose yourself just because you cry out all your pain, or let yourself emote to a high level, indeed, it is often at these moments that I have found the truest things about myself, and life, because it is there that I let go of things that pollute the stream of consciousness.
From: (Anonymous) Date: April 27th, 2003 07:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

Phoning

Since all other electronic forms of communication with you have gone null and void, phoning would be nice -- except in calling long distance, I get tired of getting voice mail.

Solution? Suggestions? 4 am phone chat? my time zone or yours?

~N
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 10th, 2003 02:26 pm (UTC) (Link)

hair & nails

keep on growing your hair and nails
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